Jokes time

12 priests were going to take a test to get ordained. The test was that they would all line up naked, and the head priest would attach a bell to their willy. A beautiful naked woman would dance in front of each priest, one by one, and if the bell rang, they failed the test.

So the beautiful lady danced naked in front of the 1st priest, nothing, she moved on to the 2nd priest, still nothing. One by one, nothing rang, until the 12th priest. It rang so hard the bell went flying across the room, so the 12th priest went across the room, bent over to pick up his bell, and suddenly, all the other 11 priests' bells started ringing.



Source: A canadian friend.

 

What''s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?


One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.

 

They've got way too much in common, Mickey and Mikey -- it's gotta be the same guy. They've got the same voice, same physique, same shorts. Both love kids. Both wear a glove. Both have an amusement park in their back yard. Both black with a white face.

 

by Lev Yilmaz subtitled in Spanish.
Obviously, the video is not mine, but Lev's. I just wrote the subtitles so that Spanish-speaking people can enjoy it. Sorry about the crappy technique.

Taken from youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iueb7lFqEwc

 

Little Suzy asked her Grandpa, who had just retired after 50 years of working:

- "Whatcha doin Grandpa?"

To which grandpa replied "Nothing."

Little Suzy said "But grandpa, you did that yesterday!"

"I wasn't finished" replied grandpa.

 

it's a tongue twister

If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor
who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the
doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor
the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?


other....

Once upon a barren moor
There dwelt a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not bear the boar.
The boar thought the bear a bore.
At last the bear could bear no more
Of that boar that bored him on the moor,
And so one morn he bored the boar--
That boar will bore the bear no more.

enjoy

 

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.

"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.


have a good day

 

There's always something to learn or to try, sometimes you need to say a phrase in Spanish, but you don't know how to say it, don't worry, It's not a problem any more, if your are a gringo and you don't know how to speak Spanish, the Smart Gringo Class might be helpful in your learning process.
For instance, we took from it some common phrases, just try it and
you'll see the difference and how easy it is to speak Spanish.

Boy a c n r = Voy a cenar = I'm gonna have dinner
N L C John = en el sillon = on the armchair
Be a hope and son = viejo panzon = fat old man
Who and see to seek ago = Juancito se cago = Little John shit all over himself.
S toy tree stone = estoy triston = I'm kind a sad.
Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rags
Desk can saw = descanso = rest.
As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando = stop bugging around.
See eye = si hay = yes we have
T n s free o ? = tienes frio = are you cold?
T N S L P P B N T S O = Tienes el pipi bien tieso = you have an erection.
Tell o boy ah in cruise tar = Te lo voy a incrustar = I'm going to plug it into you.


Enjoy!!!

 

Blonde Cops

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."


Blonde at Football Game

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"


First Class Blonde

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."



just enjoy Brothers!!

 

Here we go!

Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
--------------------------------------------------

Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
--------------------------------------------------

Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.
Lisa: Yes, but the records 0nly go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away.
---------------------------------------------------

Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
----------------------------------------------------

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
----------------------------------------------------

Keep Smiling Brothers!!

 

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
---------------------------------------------------

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

---------------------------------------------------

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

----------------------------------------------------

Bart to Milhouse: How can someone with glasses so thick be so stupid?

----------------------------------------------------

Homer: I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!



Just Smile Brothers.... just smile!

 

achmed the dead terrorist

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go
Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special 2008 w/ achmed the dead terrorist


1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPYOotN-JbA

2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3qvmPjKHeA

part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMyVtAJywio


Just enjoy brothers

 

Happy father's day (five different greeting e-cards)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnEFQJ4qDU0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUr1HBBWFgI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ekp2Y2SINI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er9zbwFD7cs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgYGdA9h9S8

just relax and enjoy!!

 

2 about turtles ja

 

Waddaya call a female cockroach?......... a cuntroach!! .............. ........................(kinda lame iknow).........

 

​

AND IT TAKES EVEN A BRAVER ONE TO FORWARD IT.....



A son asked his mother the following question:


'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:


'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'


The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.


'Dad, why are wedding dresses white?'


The father looks at his son in surprise and says:


'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

 

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know
which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how
each of them spends it.​

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you,
because I love you so much."​

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."​

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."​

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money. He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.​

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This jokes made me laugh a lot when i read it two or three years ago, i told it to my friends in spanish and all we r agree with the guy

 

Mom: Where do you go son?
I: Oh, I just will go out and kill 48 dislikers!
Mom: All alone?
I: No, 3023 Metalheads will help me!
Mom: Ok, have fun