Newbies with no spanish what to avoid

RT here. That's an excellent question, Ice, but one that's difficult to answer.

As to where not to go, due to either safety or language issues, there's lots of them. Many are not discussed here in the English Forum, but here's my thoughts on a few:

1. Anaconda (Los Olivos) - When my local friends took me to Anaconda my first time, it was the 0nly place that they said, "don't speak English here." I think that they are too overly-cautious, but maybe they know better. It is indeed off the 'gringo trail', you're there late at night with people drinking, we stick out like sore thumbs, and we probably have what would be a month's pay for some of the people there in our pockets. I can see the concerns.

2. The massage parlors/chongos around Polvos Azules - Most of my Peruvian friends avoid the Polvos Azuls area like the plague, as the area is dangerous. Again, we're walking around, looking like gringos, carrying money, and not sure where we are going... it's a recipe for disaster.

3. La Victoria's nighttime ugly underbelly - Sure, there are street girls there (cheap). Sure, there are clubs with girls there (cheap). Oh yeah, even the taxi drivers don't want to go there at night. That's good enough for me.
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I disagree about concerns at Las Cucardas. There's hardly any English there, but there's not a lot for you to have to discuss. As to safety... yes, the area is dicey, but the place itself has security and they will be glad to get you a taxi, if there isn't one hanging around outside.

I feel the same about the Trocadero. They don't stay open late, so that's one less worry. The 0nly difference is that I would probably pay my driver to wait for me, rather than hope to get a random taxi when I leave.

Now, you didn't ask, but the other side of that question is "Where can I go with little or no Spanish skills?" My first suggestion would be: Another country. However, if you pass on that advice, there's still plenty of ways to enjoy yourself in Lima:

1. Relax y Vida #1 - Be sure -- whatever else you do -- to go to Relax y Vida. There's a ton of info on the place here in the English Forum. You can get by at #1 with no Spanish at all. They see enough Americans there to deal with the language barriers, and there are usually one or two girls working with rudimentary English skills. Ask the boss lady when you get there. Just tell them you want 1 hour with sauna, pick a girl, and let her do whatever she wants to you. Tip her 50 soles in the room at the end. In the unlikely event that she has sex with you, tip her 100. You pay 110 at the door when you leave (updated Dec. 2010). It will be the best money you ever spent. Trust me.

2. Scarlets - If you like strip clubs, but wish you could also screw the girls, get your ass to Scarlets. There's a thread on them here, too. It's a little far, but worth the trip. Take a pen, and have the girl write the price IN SOLES on a napkin before you go upstairs with her... there's different prices for different girls. You'll probably be the 0nly gringo there when you go, but don't worry, the place is clean, shiny and safe. They even have a sign in front with fixed prices for taxi rides when you're ready to leave, and the prices are just a tad on the high side of fair. Sadly, they make you check your camera at the door, so leave it in your hotel room. Yeah, it's 0nly two blocks from Anaconda, but it is a whole different world.

3. Escort Agencies - Some of the escort agencies will have a booker that speaks English. He/she will help you get the job done. You'll wind up paying a premium for this convenience, but it might be worth it for the peace of mind. Browse through the "Escort Links" thread for some of the agencies.

4. Banos Turcos - You won't find anyone at these places that speak English, but if you do your research, you'll know the routine, and can bluff your way through most of it. The girls know why you're there, and they will ask (during your massage) if you also want 'servicio'. If you agree, then it's time to discuss the 'propina'. Get the price IN WRITING before proceeding, so there's no problem after. On my last visits to both Lyons Spa and BT La Marina, the girl wrote in the (non-gringo taxed) price on the slip as we started, and simply handed it to me to sign. Other places have required negotiations. I don't know if it was company policy or the individual girls' policy, so your results may vary.

5. Tequila Rock - Again, the girls know why you are there, and many of them realize that English is their best sales tool, so you will find a higher percentage of English-speakers here. Even if your girlfriend for that night doesn't speak English, whip out your pen and both of you can agree on a price and a time beforehand, so there's less opportunity for misunderstandings.

6. Local Ex-Pats - If you're either into groups or are curious about it, Sly's parties can't be beat. Sly's first language is English, so that's not going to be an issue. Most of the girls he has at the parties are Spanish-0nly, but you will have already been introduced and know them, er, intimately, so you can date them later with less confusion. Also there are one or two guys that live in Lima that have 'friends' that they will arrange to come and see you. None of those guys post here, and I have no first-hand experience with them, so you will have to nose around some on the internet to dig them out.
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My last piece of advice: be careful, watch your back, trust your instincts, don't carry too much cash, and bring a pen. But mostly, trust your instincts. If you're not comfortable somewhere, get out. There's plenty of places to get laid without having to deal with being worried at the same time. This is supposed to be fun!

 

These are PeruTops links for some of the places discussed above:

Tequila Rock

Sly_One's Newbie Guide

Anaconda

Scarlets

Las Cucardas

Lions Spa

Relax y Vida

 

RT here.

Sundays are pretty slow in Lima. Calling for a girl on a Sunday is difficult, even if you were born, bread and lived in Lima your entire life.

It's a shame that you are hell bent against getting a massage, because Relax y Vida and Lions Spa are excellent Sunday afternoon options.

Yes, both Scarlets and TR get going late at night. Sunday is the slowest night at Tequila (don't even bother walking in before midnight), and Scarlets is doable, but far.

Whatever you decide to do at night, just go to RyV in the afternoon. Don't worry about the selection, all you need is one. Trust me. If you really need full service, go to Lions Spa. Spend some of your time before that walking around Miraflores... there will be something going on in Parque Central. Also, take the time to stop in one of the supermarkets and get a cell phone; it will make your calls to the girls the rest of your week much easier (and cheaper) than doing it from the hotel.